Our Journey of Faith to Pregnancy!

Yesterday morning I woke up to a pretty awesome experience. Our dog Splenda, was sitting on my chest, not moving, just staring at me. As my eyes opened, I looked my dog in the eyes thinking what are earth are you doing staring at me like that? I rolled over and looked at the alarm clock, it was 3:07 am. Moments later I heard the toilet flush, and I rolled to my other side to ask my wife what she was doing up so early. That is when she told me that she was pregnant! It took a second to register, even though the previous night, we had talked about her taking the test first thing in the morning. It took even longer for me to really comprehend the magnitude of her simple, sweet words. As we laid beside each other in bed, talking, laughing, and even giggling at times with excitement, it all started sinking in.

You see we have been trying for months, well 7 to be more precise. We made the decision to not prevent pregnancy shortly after we got married. I know in the grand scheme of things seven months doesn’t seem like very long at all. It must seem like mere moments to so many who have waited for years, and still not seen the harvest of their Faith. But to you I say, BE STRONG! You serve an amazing and awesome God who is faithful in all things. It is so easy to be overcome with anxiety, which allows satin the in roads to devour you from the inside out.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7

Truth be told, I have wanted to be a Dad since I was about 12. I will never forget when I found out my brother Mike, and his wife Michelle were pregnant with their first child, my niece Stephanie. It was then, I first learned the excitement of a new baby on the way. I remember standing in the office at school, with a huge smile on my face and joy beaming from my inner most soul, as I told the ladies in the office my exciting news…I was going to be an Uncle! Over the next several years, I got to see my niece and later my nephew on Holidays and long weekends, as they did not live close. At various times in junior high and high school, I worked in a daycare center, and a couple after school programs which seemed to pull out how much I enjoyed being around kids. Everyone always commented on what a great dad I was going to be someday.

All the hopes, and dreams of being a Dad died during the coming out process. It just wasn’t what was meant to be for my life. That was one of the many lies Satan had coaxed me to believe over the 15+ years I lived the gay lifestyle. Throughout the day today, and even as I sit here writing this, I temporarily have allowed myself to remember the loss and suffering I went through during that time, the pain and anguish that led me so close to suicide. It is in that pain that I can experience the true JOY that life today brings! The joy only a Father and Mother can know…yesterday I just began to feel that JOY in a whole new way. God showed me how much He loved me…He also showed me, the great JOY He had, the day I recommitted my life to Him. It has given me an even greater understanding of God’s love for all of us, and how much he wants all of us back, in close relationship with Him!

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. John 3:16

So in true form with everything else God has done in my life, over the last two years, He fulfilled His promise that all things would be made new. Through my marriage to Sarah, and the Joys I’ve already experienced, as a husband, and as a dad to Hollyn, God has breathed fresh life back into my hopes and dreams of family and fatherhood.

4 He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.” 5 And he who was seated on the throne said, “Behold, I am making all things new.” Also he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.” Revelations 21:4-5

Before Sarah and I got married, we had gone through pre-marital counseling with Pastor Brian and Pastor Alisha at our church, New Life Christian Center. During those 8 weeks, Sarah and I spent countless hours talking and praying about what we wanted out of life. What we wanted for ourselves, what we wanted for each other, what we wanted for our family, and even what we expected from each other. It was then that God began revealing the beginnings of what our family life is to become. Some things to me, some things to Sarah, and together He completed the picture. He laid different things on our hearts at different times, but as for where we are today, the following are the relevant issues of our combined hearts desires. We have placed our lives in God’s loving hands, and through it, we have seen His revealed plan for our lives unfold.

1. We wanted to be joined as husband and wife, and united as a family with Hollyn.

Our wedding took place on December 10th, 2011

2. We wanted to have at least one biological child together. Before having a child, we felt we needed a bigger house and better jobs. Our parents had also recommended we wait at least six months after getting married to have a baby. We are not the most patient couple when it comes to waiting for a baby. 🙂

1. A bigger home as Sarah’s 1,300 square foot home did not seem like an adequate space to raise our family. The problem with moving was we owed more on the home then it seemed possible to sell it for. With not much money in savings, after the wedding and honeymoon, it seemed an impossible task. We placed it in God’s hands and timing. One morning in April, Sarah and I were talking, and she felt that it was time we looked hard into moving. We found a house that we wanted to buy, spent the whole weekend Staging our house, put our house on the market, it went under contract in only 4 days. We put in an offer on the house we wanted with the contingency of our house closing. God blessed us along every turn.

There were several times that it did not look good, but we left it in God’s hands, to do His will for our lives. You see, we figured that if God could sell our house that fast for close to what we needed out of it, get the new house for a good enough deal we could still afford the new payments, and make it all work together for our good, then we would just have to not worry and let Him handle all the details.

That Faith was tested several times, once when the contract fell out on our house we were selling…we put it back on the market, and it went under contract in less than 24 hours. A few other times, things were not looking good when it came to the loan. In fact we had to sell and move out of our old house, without knowing 100%, if we were going to be able to close on the new house. But we pressed through and maintained our faith.

We kept telling each other and believing that God would make it all work, even though the visible circumstances were looking very scary. One day, things were looking terrible, but it was too late to back out of the sale of our house. I had to take action to claim our faith and keep things moving forward. With my stomach in knots from nerves, I went to the new house and began painting it, with the owner’s permission of course. As I began to paint our new home, peace came over me, and God allowed me to just enjoy what was about to be our new home. I continued painting for days until the whole house was done, all the while not having confirmation that the house was going to be ours. We moved out of our old house and into the new house without 100% certainty that the loan was approved. God lined up all these details, there is no way without God that the sellers would have agreed to let me paint and move in before closing if God had not been in control. I really believe that it was these actions of stepping out in faith that got me through, and got us closed.

 

In May of 2012, we moved into our new 2,200 square foot home. with a payment only $100 per month higher than what we were paying for Sarah’s old house. Praise God!!!

2. Jobs to support our family plan and lifestyle

A. Sarah felt she needed a promotion that would help support part B. of this goal. She did not think she would want to be a stay at home mom.

The week we moved into our new home Sarah received a promotion to a Replenishment Analyst for Wal-Mart Corporate. This included a pay increase of over 20% from her previous position. PRAISE GOD!

B. I needed a flexible position that would allow me to spend as much time as possible with our kids, while still helping provide for our family. We decided that real estate was the best place for me at the moment. God has continued to bring me real estate clients to support our needs.

I had no desire to bring a child into this world, just to send them off to be raised by strangers. I know it is a necessity for many, and I do not have a problem with that for others. I just pray that we won’t be in that position, and if we find ourselves there, I have Faith that God would pull use out quickly. My reasoning for wanting to be such an active part of my kids lives is based partly on the following scriptures, and largely on my hearts desires;

The righteous who walks in his integrity— blessed are his children after him! Proverbs 20:7

Train up a child in the way he should go; so that even when he is old he will not depart from it. Proverbs 22:6

For I have chosen him, that he may command his children and his household after him to keep the way of the Lord by doing righteousness and justice, so that the Lord may bring to Abraham what he has promised him.” Genesis 18:19

He established a testimony in Jacob and appointed a law in Israel, which he commanded our fathers to teach to their children, that the next generation might know them, the children yet unborn, and arise and tell them to their children, so that they should set their hope in God and not forget the works of God, but keep his commandments; and that they should not be like their fathers, a stubborn and rebellious generation, a generation whose heart was not steadfast, whose spirit was not faithful to God. Psalms 78:5-8

3. Our parents recommended we wait at least 6 months to have a baby. They felt it would be best, to get settled and get used to life as a married couple. Well like most rebellious children, Sarah and I didn’t have the patience for this recommendation. After all, that reduced our chances of having a baby before I turned 35. We did however agree, with each other, that we would not actually be focused on trying, just not preventing. Well that didn’t last long either, because we soon moved to trying. You’ll see as you read, that God required us to honor our parent’s wishes, as that is what is right with the Lord.

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.” Ephesians 6:1-3

So as I said in the beginning of this blog, we stopped preventing shortly after we got married. As the months went by, I at times would question rather having a baby was going to be in the cards for us. Maybe I was to selfish to be a good father, maybe my sexual sins had caused such corruption that the devil was allowed to take our baby? THAT IS SUCH A LIE! Another lie told by the Devil to get me and my family off course. My past has nothing to do with my future, except when it comes to glorifying God. God made me a complete, and total new person when I truly started abiding in Him.

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.” 2 Corinthians 5:17

You see, the devil is always throwing up our past as a way to regain control. It is important, that as a Christian, we know who we are in Christ. That way we can identify when the devil is lying to us. As soon as we identify those lies we have to fight back. We have to let the devil know he no longer has authority in our lives, and we have to believe that! If we fall into the devils lies, we will lose faith.

Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. Hebrews 11:1

Sarah and I’s faith has continued to be tested, as all Christians faith continues to be regularly tested. It is not the test that lets you know rather your on the right track or not, it’s the way you deal with the test. For many, when they are tested, they get discouraged and they stay discouraged, or they get angry and stay angry. They never learn to depend on God’s Word, the bible. The bible tells us everything about who God is, was, and always will be. God does not change His mind. He is the one constant in our ever changing world.

So, when you are being tested, use God’s authority to kick the devil’s strongholds out of your life. Stand fast on His word and have strong faith that every word is truth. Look to the bible, and see what it says you should do in a particular situation, or what God promises He will do for all of His children. The faster you do this, the faster your test is over.

Sometimes it requires you to actively kick the devils strongholds out of other parts of your life. The hardest test are the ones that you don’t realize the Devil has a stronghold. Those require such dedication, to look at yourself through other people’s eyes, and see the things you don’t want to see, or hear. I think that is why communication and marriage are so important. Sarah can help me identify things about myself, that I couldn’t find on my own, and vice versa. The only way that works though is when the messages are delivered through LOVE, and received through LOVE, the way God intended everything to be done. Without love, the messages will fall on death ears, and the devil will use them to divide and concur.

We have found that with each test, God has taught us something, or pruned us. Most of the time, that lessen included dying more to ourselves, to make room for Him and His blessings in our lives. Rather it was to be more patient (again, this is still a struggle for us), to stop drinking, to stop smoking, to have better communication, to build stronger relationships within our church and daily lives, or to spend more time with God reading the word and praying, the faster we got out of the way and let God do His will, thefaster we received the blessings of His will.

This hurry up and get out of God’s way mentality, has really helped us.

People around have actually said slow down, what is the next big thing, why are you moving so fast? To them my heart answers, I have no idea the great things God has in store for my family and I, but I can’t wait to find out! I know it will surpass anything I could come up with on my own! I know that He promises things above all my heart can desire, and my head can comprehend.

For this reason, you will not find Sarah and I sitting idly by, ignoring what God is trying to do in and through our lives. That is the one thing that I would say is a blessing in our lack of patience, it has motivated us to seek God, answer His callings quickly, and do what He asks without hesitation. All that being said, we are not perfect, we will make mistakes, we will fall to our rebellious nature and fall short of the Glory of God, but we will get back up and strive to be all God has called us to be!

As our faith and patience continued to be tested, we kept saying to each other well God is just holding us to the plan that the three of us (Sarah, myself, and God) agreed to before we got married. Remember we had agreed we did not want a baby until we had a bigger house, better jobs, and (if it worked out) we should honor our parents advice of waiting 6 months. With each lesson learned, with each pruning that took place, with each part of that plan that came to be, with each month that would pass, we grew more anxious, saying that would be the month we would find out that Sarah was pregnant. Each month that it didn’t happen, our faith and patience was again tested.

When I found out in June, that she was not pregnant again, I knew I could take action. The bible says that thieves can be taken to court, and through the laws of retribution they must pay. In the book, “The Good Fight of Faith” by Alan Vincent, he talks about how the devil is the Father of all thieves, and that when he steals from us we can take Him to the heavenly court seeking retribution.

Well the devil was stealing, through the use of delay tactics, our gift that God had promised us in the bible. The bible says to be fruitful and multiply, that means God promised us all the ability to multiply, not just to multiply other Christians, but also to multiply our family. Assuming we were abiding in God’s word, and living in right standing with Him, as we had made every change He had asked us to make, I had the right as a Joint Heir with Jesus to take satin to court. Especially now that we had honored our parents advice.

So, that’s what I did! In mid June 2012, when I received word that we were not pregnant, I appealed to God and let Him know what the devil was doing, and that by the laws of retribution I was seeking a payment of a 7 time return for what had been stolen. I was specific to claim a child for myself and Sarah, our friends Kenny and Melissa, Perry and Michelle, Pastor Brian and Pastor Alisa, and three other children for people who had be travailing to become parents. I let God and Satin know that I would be back to court every month, that the devil used His deceitful tactics in delaying our pregnancy, to claim 7 more babies for more travailing parents. a couple days later, as my wife Sarah laid in the hospital bed at the ER, I told her what I had done. You see she was in the ER because she was having such horrible pains and cramps. Pain like she had never experienced before. I told her that it would all turn out ok, because God had promised us a baby. I told her of the court appeal I had made, and that it was going to get very costly for the devil if he kept messing with us. Hours later she was released with nothing that could be found wrong…PRAISE GOD!!!

I guess satin really doesn’t like to pay for his theft, because the very next month after taking Him to court and making him pay, Sarah is pregnant!!! So back to the beginning of this post, as Sarah and I laid in bed talking and giggling with excitement, making plans of everyone we needed to text and call with the news, satin through doubt in my mind again. Should we really call and tell everyone so early? I mean after all, it is just two at home pregnancy tests that have confirmed the pregnancy. You see Sarah had previously had a miscarriage, so the devil was planting in my head all the things that could go wrong. Almost immediately as these thoughts entered my head, I had a peace come over me as God revealed that as of the moment we were pregnant. So I closed my eyes, I entered the heavenly court room again and I put the devil on notice. This is our child, our gift from God, and as of this moment they are alive, healthy and perfect. If he does anything to attack or kill our child, I will see him back in this courtroom to claim 7 people’s lives. I informed him that God would use me as His vessel to raise 7 people from the dead in the name of His Son Jesus Christ. He would do this to His Glory so that the whole world could see that He is a Powerful and Awesome God! With that Sarah and I immediately moved forward with our excitement of telling the world our news. This may seem extreme, and even silly to some, but it is biblical and it is truth. As for me and my family we will serve the Lord and with that comes believing His every word and relying on it as absolute truth.

Have a blessed day, and thank you for sharing in our journey!

Love Jason and Sarah

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The Humbling Power of Sharing My Testimony

Words can not express the humility I am feeling right now. The greatness of God and His ability to reach so many people so quickily. When I posted my testimony yesterday, I knew it would get read by some of our friends and family. I knew that over time God would use this blog to reach many for His good. I had no idea, that in less than 24 hours, He would have touched 227 people across the US, Mexico, and even India!

I am so thankful that God gave us all Jesus, so that we could be freed from our sins through His blood! I am so glad that the call of Jesus was strong enough to aloow me to choose Him over the life that I had made for myself. I stand in awe once again and the amazing power of God and the way he can turn anything and use it for His Glory!

Revelation 12:11(NKJV)

11 And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony, and they did not love their lives to the death.

Are you ready to give God the Glory? If so, step out and post your own testimony here! Let’s come together and rejoice in all the Lord has done!

Matthew 5:16(NKJV)

16 Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven.

Welcome

Thank you for taking a moment to check out my new blog. I encourage you to check out the about page and my testimony page. It will give you a good understanding of what this blog is about. Please feel free to ask questions, leave comments, etc.

 

Sincerely,

 

Jason